THIS Woman's Work

"It is health that is real wealth & not pieces of gold & silver."

~Gandhi

(Read the post before you watch this so you'll have a better understanding)

Okay, so I must admit, I have a "theme song" for myself. It wasn't actually written for me or anything but it's just a very beautiful, very pretty song. I don't feel sorry for myself but I do realize that I have been through more than most 29 year olds... hell, most 80 year olds, EVER will in their lifetime. There are times I do get angry & upset & of course, from time to time, I can't help but thinking to myself, "Why me?". But, then again, I realize, "Why not me?". My doctors believe I contracted it at a keg party that was held a couple of days before I went into the hospital. There were at least 50 people at this party, probably more, so I'm sure most people can understand why from time to time I can't help but think, "Out of everyone at that damn party, why was I the "lucky" one?". I just thank God that after I got infected, I didn't pass it on to my best friend or one of my parents b/c I didn't yet know I was sick. Okay, I'm rambling. Like I said above, I've basically been through way too much for a person who's not even 30! I've had well over 30 surgeries, I had both legs amputated AND I lost parts of every finger on my right hand which just happened to be my dominant hand for the 19 years leading up to me getting sick. I take more pills than my 80 year old grandmother does, I have horrible arthritis, headaches are a daily occurrence, I have insomnia, I suffered from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder... a lot of soldiers suffer from it after returning from war), I deal w/ depression, I've been in a coma, I've had TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome), I've had my left hip replaced (the arthritis in that joint completely destroyed it), I've had multiple skin grafts, OH, & I went into cardiac arrest & my heart didn't start beating again until 52 minutes later! Sounds fun, right? Aside from all of my physical medical issues, I lost one of my dearest friends to diabetes in 2005 which pushed my already existing anxiety issues over the edge & landed me in a psychiatric hospital for a week. (which is where I was diagnosed w/ PTSD) I allowed myself to suffer through a verbally abusive relationship for 2 years (I'll do a separate post on that issue 1 day). The step sibling I was closest to while growing up was almost killed in a car accident about 4 years after I got sick. Luckily, he survived but he ended up suffering some pretty bad brain trauma. One of my biggest "fans" & one of the women I admire most, my Nana, died about a year after my brother's wreck. We also lost my stepdad's sweet mother (aka Grandma Farmer). It's literally just been one thing after the other since I got sick in June of 2001. For a while, I was not given a break. People need time to grieve & to take in everything that has happened & when life just keeps throwing things at you, you can't stop & do all of that. Since the start of 2009 things have finally been slowing down some. The hip replacement/cardiac arrest event took place in December of 2008 so things started slowing down at the perfect time! The only problem was I had about 7 years worth of traumatic events that I had to start grieving over. I had some pretty dark, lonely days for the 1st year... I had A LOT of grieving to do!! A LOT!! I didn't really start to come out of the grieving phase until like May of 2010 so for almost 1 1/2 years, I sat around, depressed! Lots of crying & lots of talking to God took place during this time. I also did a bit of journaling. Oh, & WAY TOO MUCH eating. I put on a good 15-20 lbs.! I don't really eat that much but during that year & a half of grieving, I literally did nothing! I sat on my butt! Or slept. Doesn't really matter how little you eat, if you don't move around some, you're going to put on weight. Then you end up w/ something else to be depressed over! I was offered the job I have now w/ the pharmaceutical company (Novartis) in March of 2010 & I did my first job in May of 2010. That's when the fog of depression started to gradually lift. Apparently, sitting around on your ass for weeks at a time is NOT the way to get out of a dark time. Traveling is however a good way to help yourself. Isolating yourself from everyone is NOT a good way to cure depression either! And by the way, interacting w/ people on FB all day does not count as far as socializing. You need to get in a little face time here & there. I really feel that doing this job has helped turn me around. Aside from getting to travel all over the country, I'm helping save lives! The feeling you get knowing you're preventing other kids from going from perfectly healthy to physically or mentally disabled is one that can't really be put into words. Plus, I know that I'm helping to prevent other families/friends from suffering through what mine have. It's just an amazing feeling. Always good to earn some Karma points! I'm seem to have finally snapped out of my year & a half funk. I will be making my annual trip to Chicago to visit one of my favorite cousins in the Fall & I plan on going to California to visit Dad & the rest of the Gray clan. Oh, plus, next month I'm doing a job in New Hampshire & since my stepmom's brother & his family live there, I'm going to stay a few days extra w/ them. Although I do seem to have a "brighter" outlook these days, of course I still have days that are dark and even a bit scary. I have issues with pain every single day. My arthritis has gotten a bit worse. I've lost some weight & even though I'm only doing it like 2 or 3 days a week, I've started exercising again. I know that will help ease the arthritis some. I also am going to have to figure out some time to put aside to have a little "touch up" surgery on my right knee. I was THIS close to losing my right leg above the knee so it's kind of the "problem child" for me. The surgery will be outpatient & should only take about 3 weeks to heal from. But, the shape of my knee is going to change some so I will have to have a completely knew prosthetic made for this leg. I realize most people don't know too much about how prosthesis work so I'll just let you know that in order for the prosthetic to fit correctly, feel comfortable to walk on, & not cause any issues for your skin, the inside of it has to be custom fit for your leg. It can be a long process b/c sometimes you have to keep going back to have the socket (inside) adjusted some. Aside from that one surgery, no BIG stuff should happen that would affect my physical health! I'm planning on going to beauty school in Spring of 2012 to become licensed in asesthetics. It makes me excited to think that in a little over a year, I could be working at my dream job! SO, finally, getting back to my theme song! It's, "This Woman's Work". I know many people know it for the Maxwell version BUT it's not his song. It was written & first recorded by Kate Nash. It was written for the movie, She's Having a Baby, w/ Kevin Bacon. Very pretty & very haunting song! I like Maxwell's version but I LOVE Kate's version. You can feel pure, raw pain in her voice when she sings it. Although the song is supposed to be from a man's point of view, it's not too hard to understand why I relate it to my life. You have to understand that all of the memories of my life are either "pre Meningococcal" or "post Meningococcal aka NOW". There are many things about my "pre" life that I miss every single day & of course, there are people from both the "pre" & "post" periods that I grieve for every day! She sings about how too much time was wasted & too many things weren't said & done while the opportunity was there. I took my health completely for granted, as many people do. There were things I could've done before getting sick that I can no longer do. And even w/ the deaths of family members & friends, most of the time there are things that you didn't tell the person that you wish had before the person died. As I said at the beginning of this post, I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm just well aware that in order for me to live a "normal" life, it takes a bit more patience & a bit more work! If you've never heard the song, take a listen. I realize most men probably don't care for this type of music but if you have a wife, daughter, or a close relationship w/ your mother, you should be able to appreciate the lyrics. Whether men want to admit it or not, it's take a lot more work to be a woman! We have to find just the right balance of strength & femininity, we wear all the uncomfortable clothes, shoes, & undergarments, we have to put on makeup, we spend more $ on keeping up appearances & hygiene, we get to put up w/ the joys of having a period every month, we have to go through menopause & of course, we give birth!! I wish for just one week, every single man on the planet could live life as a woman! (Well, not gay men b/c many of them can appreciate some of the things women go through a bit more than straight men can.)

One more thing, I do realize this video is 1980s, cheesy, music video (over)acting at it's FINEST! Still, the story of a man thinking back on some of the memories he has shared w/ his wife while she is about to die (or will she?) is pretty touching! It serves it's purpose! If you can't understand the lyrics & want to read them, you can go to this link: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/this-woman's-work-lyrics-kate-bush/59bca1ccdde91964482569a000310904

Lindsey's "Serious About Skicare" Routine

I have people compliment me on my skin quite often! (Thank God b/c it makes me feel better as I age!) Combine that w/ the fact that quite a few people know how much I love skincare & that I'm planning to go to school to become an aesthetician & believe me, I end being asked about my skincare routine quite often. So, since my creative juices weren't flowing as far as what to blog about today, I decided I'd fill you all in on my strict skincare routine. Yes, strict! I follow this routine religiously & it seems to be doing the trick. I've mentioned in a previous post that from the age of 13 up until just a couple of years ago I was a serious tanner! I went to the tanning bed 3-4 times a week, sometimes more. I had a bit of a skin cancer scare back in 2008 & that's all it took to put that nasty little habit behind me. I was pretty much addicted to going tanning so when I first quit going, believe me, I wasn't liking what I was seeing. I felt nasty b/c I didn't like not having a tan color to my skin. Then, to top it all off, I noticed that any lines &/or wrinkles I had were now more noticeable. So, that's when my quest for figuring out how I could make my skin look younger & give it that youthful glow I seemed to be lacking really started forming. I started really taking note of all the skin tips I read about in all of the magazines I love to read & started playing around with different products. Some products came & went at first but some stayed around. I REALLY fell in love with the Philosophy brand. They have some phenomenal products. They aren't cheap but the ones I use work... for me! A few months ago my favorite cosmetics line, Benefit, put out a new skincare line so I just had to give some of these products a try. I really fell for a few of the products in the line so I rearranged the skincare routine just a bit by replacing my nighttime moisturizer, adding a scrub twice a week, & replacing one of my day/night eye creams. (yes, I use 2 eye creams each AM & PM) I've been following this routine for a few months now & I swear, I get compliments on my skin all the time. So, here's how it all goes down... or maybe I should say, on!

~~ Every A.M.- Wash w/ Bliss Fabulous Foaming Face Wash. (it smells WONDERFUL) I could seriously bathe in this stuff b/c it has the prettiest smell to it.  $9- $22 at http://www.sephora.com/

~~ Every Tuesday A.M. & Friday A.M.- After washing my face, I apply Benefit's b.Right! Refined Finish Facial Polish. Because the scrub contains seaweed & clay, instead of immediately washing it off I let it sit for 3-5 minutes so it can work as a mask & help vacuum out my pores.  $22 at http://www.benefitcosmetics.com/

~~ Every A.M.- After washing my face (& using polish Tues. & Fri.), I use Philosophy's Miracle Worker A.M. pads. The "juice" that these pads are soaked in is full of good for your skin antioxidants. These help defend skin from free-radicals that are all in the environment. Free-radicals are just one of the things that cause skin damage/aging. Aside from helping fight off free-radicals, these give your skin such a pretty, health glow. $58 at http://www.philosophy.com/

~~ Every A.M.- After using the pads, I apply either Philosophy's Eye Believe or Philosophy's Eye Hope eye cream. I only use Eye Believe on days I wear makeup. The reason for this is b/c the velvety texture of it feels amazing & it's perfect for layering concealer over. It's great at filling in lines too! It's more of a balm then a cream so that's probably the reason makeup goes on top of it so well. The Eye Hope cream helps w/ lines, wrinkles & dark circles. It's also very hydrating & I find it's good for sensitive skin. I was using another eye cream for a while but it was starting to dry the delicate skin underneath my eyes out. I switched to this & it's working just as well & it doesn't dry out my skin. It does just the opposite! $30 for Eye Believe & $48 for Eye Hope at http://www.philosophy.com/

Eye Believe

Eye Hope

~~ Every A.M.- After applying the Eye Hope, depending on if I am going out of the house or not, I then use  either Philosophy's UBER FAMOUS moisturizer Hope in a Jar (it was even on Oprah's annual "Favorite Things" list for the last 10 years or something crazy like that!) or Hope SPF 30 (it's the same formula as the regular Hope in a Jar w/ the added benefit of UV protection) My skin seriously drinks this stuff up. The cream has a whipped texture to it & it's super light as well as oil free. It kind of smelled weird to me when I began using it 3 years ago but after a week I was used to the smell & now, I don't even notice the smell at all. Basically, I'm saying that this stuff is so good, I just made myself get over the smell. It's that freaking awesome! And to be fair, not everyone who uses it thinks it smells weird. To many people, the smell is "botanical". To many others, the smell is, well, "wet dog"! Those are the 2 ways I always hear the smell described. I know, it's crazy that I willingly put something on my skin that I thought smelled like a wet pooch but again, the way it feels just makes it that damn good! If the whole smell thing has you kind of thrown, just go to Sephora, Ulta or Macy's and smell the sampler! If you find that you don't like the smell, I really must say that you should give yourself a week to try the product b/c I promise, you won't even notice the smell after a bit! And most stores will allow you to return beauty products that have been opened & used! (I'm always surprised how many people don't know that. If you buy a mascara at Walgreen's only to find that after 1 use you hate it, take it back to them & you'll get a refund!) $15- $105 for the original Hope & $38 for SPF 30 Hope at http://www.philosophy.com/

~~ Every A.M.- After applying Hope, I tap a layer of Benefit's b.Right! It's Potent eye cream on over the Eye Hope. I've already done a product review of this stuff on a previous post. It's one of my absolute favorite products! It feels amazing & it has not scent to it. I keep this in my fridge which makes it feel even more amazing when I put it on. The cold temperature really helps w/ any puffiness you may have under your eyes. Plus, your creams will stay good for a longer amount of time when you keep them in the refrigerator. $32 at http://www.benefitcosmetics.com/

~~ Every A.M.~ I then apply a layer of Philosophy's Hope in a Tube Eye & Lip Firming Cream around my lips.Tell me you've never seen women who have those awful wrinkles around their lips from smoking!! I don't smoke but the point is, your mouth & lips age right along w/ the rest of the face. (& body!!) Then, I put on lip balm! I love Smith's Rosebud Co.'s Strawberry Lip Balm. I know they're famous for the Rosebud flavor but I don't like anything rose flavored! BLAHH! $33 for Hope in a Tube at http://www.philosophy.com/ & $7 for Rosebud's Strawberry

 ~~ Every P.M.- I wash face w/ Philosophy's Purity Made Simple while using the Clarisonic Mia. I honestly do not know how I ever lived without my Mia! "She" goes on every single trip out of town I make. Now, before you go thinking, "I can't believe she'd spend $149 on a facial brush when there are cheaper ones on the market!", let me just stop you! Before getting my Mia, I DID try a "cheaper" $70 facial brush. Big mistake! It hurt like Hell. The brush fibers were so damn scratchy on my face. It felt like it was tearing my face at times! Clarisonic's brush fibers are super soft! And I use the "deep pore" brush head. I can't imagine how soft the, "Normal", "Sensitive", & "Delicate" brushes are! So seriously, don't waste your $ by going out & buying a cheaper knock-off. If you, like me, are a fashion & beauty magazine junky, you've heard them ALL talk about the Clarisonic brush. The Mia's been out for a couple of years now & still, every single month I see it mentioned in at least one of 6 magazines I subscribe to! Every celebrity under the sun uses the brush & it's highly recommended by dermatologists! There's a reason you only here the Clarisonic mentioned: IT'S THE BEST! Now, you may be wondering, "Why do I need to wash my face w/ a facial brush anyway?". First, you won't believe how much makeup this thing removes. After getting my Mia, I did a little test I saw done on TV simply b/c I figured it was too go to be true. First, I washed my face like I normally did, just using my hands, a washcloth, & water. Then, I washed it again using the Mia. I was SHOCKED to see how much makeup was on my brush head. It amazed me to see how much makeup & dirt gets left behind when you just use your hands! Another reason this product is so worth it's price is b/c the brush vibrates which means any skincare products you put on your face afterward get absorbed better. If you don't understand how that's possible, just go onto Clarisonic's website or do a web search & it will help explain it. Clarisonic also makes a bigger brush which can be used not only on your face, but your entire body. I love my Mia & I'm able to use it on my face, neck & chest so it's the biggest size I need. Philosophy's Purity Made Simple is another product they make that has won numerous awards over the years. It smells amazing & it cuts right through any makeup, even waterproof mascara! For most people, it's gentle enough that they are able to use it to remove their eye makeup. I'm able to keep my eyes open when I use it b/c it doesn't cause me any stinging. I turned my mom onto this stuff a little over a year ago & it's now 1 of her beauty staples as well. $10- $47.50 at http://www.philosophy.com/ & $149 for Clarisonic Mia at http://www.sephora.com/ or http://www.ulta.com/





The Clarisonic Mia comes in a fun assortment of colors!

~~ Every Wednesday P.M.- After washing my face I use Philosophy's Oxygen Peel. I love how this feels on my face. It really cleans out your pores & helps to brighten up your face. It's also very gentle so it shouldn't cause any stinging on your skin. It's kind of fun too b/c you get to mix the enzyme gel before each use. Once you have the gel on your face you put the oxygen foam on over it... it feels really good when it foams up. It's almost like you can feel your pores being cleaned out. As an added exfoliating step, the kit comes w/ a little spatula that you use to scrape the gel/foam off of your face. $50 at http://www.ulta.com/

The Oxygen Peel



~~ Every Sunday P.M.- After washing my face I use Philosophy's Mircodelivery Peel. Now, this one may not work well for people w/ really sensitive skin b/c it contains Vitamin C & for some people that can cause a stinging sensation. If you don't have sensitive skin, definitely try this stuff. This is yet another of their award winning products. It does such an amazing job of exfoliating. Even after using it for 2+ years, it still amazes me how soft & smooth my skin feels after using it. $40- $65 at http://www.philosophy.com/

The Microdelivery Peel

~~ Every P.M.- After washing my face (& doing my Wed. & Fri. peels), I apply RoC Retinol Deep Wrinkle Night Cream. Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that retinol is THE holy grail of anti-agers! Go open a beauty or fashion magazine & try not to find it mentioned somewhere inside! Not only does retinol help as an anti-ager, it's also great for keeping skin/pores clear. They now have a version of this out for sensitive skin too. $22 at Target, CVS, Walgreen's & http://www.ulta.com/



~~ Every P.M.- After applying Roc, I again use Philosophy's Eye Hope.

~~  Every P.M.- After giving the retinol cream a couple of minutes to sink in I apply moisturizer. I use a different moisturizer at night than I do during the day. Your skin really benefits from all of the products you put on your face while you sleep so I use a night cream that's a bit rich. I like Benefit's b.Right! Total Moisture Facial Cream. It makes my skin feel so soft! I did a post of this stuff a month or so ago so I already explained the things I like about it. $38 at www.benefitcosmetics.com

~~ Every P.M.- After applying Eye Hope I use Philosophy's When Hope is Not Enough Neck Cream. All of those years of going tanning gave me the lovely "necklaces". Ladies, I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about... those lovely horizontal lines you get. This stuff is also really great to use on your decollete. I like that it's really thick b/c a little really goes a long way. It's full of peptides & antioxidants that help hydrate & firm the skin in this area. You may think that using your face moisturizer in this area is good enough but believe it or not, the skin on your face is NOT like the skin of your neck & chest. I always get the big 4 oz. size & I order it on the QVC website b/c every 3 or 4 months I get a new tube automatically shipped to me. So, basically, 1 oz. will last you approximately 1 month. Remember, you just need a tiny bit! $25- $55 at http://www.qvc.com/

~~ Every P.M.- Next, I go back to 1 of my favorite products: Benefit's b.Right! It's Potent eye cream. Can't get enough of this stuff. On those days where I didn't get enough sleep & my eyes look like I've been smoking meth or something, (okay, I've never done that so maybe that's not the best example) this stuff gets used about once every hour. That lets you know it's gentle though!

~~ Every P.M.- Right before I turn of the lights to go to sleep, I again apply Hope in a Tube around my lips followed by a layer of my Rosebud Strawberry lip balm. Obviously, it's always good to do this after you brush your teeth.

I know that sounds like a ton of stuff but seriously, it takes me about 10-15 minutes in the morning. When I do my night time routine, I usually take a bit longer but I enjoy doing all of this stuff so I just take my time with it. I usually do it while I'm watching Frasier reruns so there are usually some pauses between all of the steps.

JUST A FEW EXTRAS:

• I make sure to drink plenty of water throughout the day. If you don't keep your body hydrated, your skin is going to look dull! PERIOD! And drinking soda all day does not in any way substitute water!
•  Get enough sleep. When you're tired, a lot of times your skin will also look tired... especially your eyes!
• Use a really good body lotion. Your face & neck aren't the only things that show age! I personally love Philosophy's body emulsions, mainly, b/c they contain antioxidants & ingredients that help firm skin. I also LOVE that they make lotions to match all of their wonderful Grace fragrances. Amazing, Pure, Baby & Inner are my favorite scents. Anytime I wear the Amazing Grace fragrance, I get compliments. It's so light & beautiful. My dentist LOVES it so much he had me tell him the name of the scent & where to purchase it so he could buy some for his wife! My mom also uses it along w/ Eternal Grace & Inner Grace. Oh, & when I want something more flirty, I use Philosophy's Falling in Love body emulsion. I love the scent so much that I often spray the perfume on my chest when I put my PJs on.

I'm always amazed at the people who are my age or younger yet look 10-15 years older than me. I'm not talking about any of my close, personal friends but I do have acquaintances like that. It's usually really easy to spot the people who indulge just a bit too much in things like alcohol, drugs & cigarettes! I'm not trying to sound like a bitch but I mean, stop & think about all of the things my body's been put through! I've been as close to death and being in a coffin as you can possibly get without it actually happening. I take a ton of pills a day, including an opiate to help w/ my pain level. For you to be the same age as I am & look 10 years older than me, you're definitely not doing something right! I drink occasionally & yeah, I may do some other things that I shouldn't from time to time but I know how to keep myself under control. I know that if I wasn't so religious about taking care of my skin my health issues would literally be written all over my face. I think it just shows that taking care of your skin is really that important. With all that I deal with, I really am in the position where I don't want to look like I feel most of the time! My skin definitely helps me with that issue. Now, I need to get this strict about working out!! I'm working on it! Actually, it's 10 P.M. so I'm about to go do my night time routine right now so I can go read & watch the Golden Girls in bed!

Only Audrey Hepburn could look this gorgeous "sleeping" w/ an eye mask on!

Ask Away... & then Go Check your Blood Pressure!

So, since I started this blog to kind of let people into my crazy life, I figured I should let you guys ask questions. Seriously, I realize people can’t help but be curious about certain areas of my life. Believe me, when I’m out somewhere and see someone with some type of disability, I still get curious myself. It’s just human nature. I actually wish more people would just ask me questions instead of staring at me like I’m so kind of freak. I remember being at Target one day (this was right after I 1st got sick) & I had on a short sleeved shirt. Now, a lot of people don’t realize what Meningococcal does to a persons skin. Basically, my arms look like they were burned… like, REALLY burned. My left arm isn’t too bad but my right arm is covered in skin grafts. Anyway, this little kid at Target came up to me & wanted to know what had happened. I was about to start telling him when all of a sudden his mother came up and yanked him away. I realize she thought maybe he’d upset me by flat out asking me something like that, but it made me feel like shit when she did that. It’s so much better for you to explain these types of things to your kids than it is to scare them. They need to grow up realizing that not everyone is the same and that not everyone is lucky enough to be as healthy as they are. SO, if any of you have questions you’d like for me to answer on here, just message them to me. As long as they aren’t stupid or obnoxious, I’ll do my best to answer them at some point.

I’m feeling a bit better today than I have in about a week. For whatever reason my blood pressure is being good today. It’s what “normal”v blood pressure should run. I’m having to check it several times a day still. There have been a few days where it’s started to go back up, and on those days I take one of my meds to get it back down. Then, there have been several days where it’s been too low. Obviously, it’s not a good idea to take my blood pressure meds on those days. When it’s too low, I feel HORRIBLE. (not that I feel too hot when it’s high) I get extremely light headed and it takes everything I have to stay awake. Over the weekend it was pretty low and all I did was sleep. No amount of caffeine can keep me up when it gets low. Thank God my job only requires me to work a few days each month! It’s not easy to hold down a regular 9-5 job when you’re disabled. You have to have a VERY understanding boss and be able to take a ton of sick days!

So, be sure to message me your questions! I have a ton of free time as my next speaking engagement is a few weeks away! As I said above, please don’t send any rude or obnoxious questions… but at the same time, don’t feel hesitant to send me a really good question b/c you feel like you’re being too nosey! It’s time for me to go throw back a few pills and check my blood pressure. VERY exciting stuff!!