Where Were you When the World Stopped Turning that September Day?

HEROES!!

    
     It's so hard to believe that it's been ten years since we woke up to the images of what Hell on Earth looked like. Pretty much every single person who was alive then remembers exactly where we were & exactly what we were doing when we first received the breaking news. I wanted to share a bit about where I was & why it had such a huge impact on my life.
    
     On September 11, 2001  I was a patient at Baptist East in Memphis, TN. I'd been there since being admitted on June 19th. I had been in a coma, had my legs amputated below the knee & was still recovering from all the damage Meningococcal Meningitis had done to my body. My mom actually had the TV on when the first plane hit but I was still asleep. Because the previous few days had been rough on me, Mom didn't wake me up when it happened. Of course, at the time, we (America) still weren't sure the plane hitting the North Tower hadn't been a tragic accident. I remember waking up & seeing the North Tower with smoke coming out of the top. I'd only been awake for a few minutes when I looked up to see the South Tower get hit. I remember not really being able to grasp what was going on. Luckily, I was on 2 REALLY strong pain medications & another med for anxiety. I don't know if I'd of been able to handle seeing the images of that day had I not been completely doped up out of my mind. I do remember the nurses having to give me a bit more Ativan that day to keep me calm. Of course, we watched the coverage all day & well into that night. I remember the nurses coming in my room more frequently that day so that they could watch the TV with us.

     For me, 9/11 didn't just represent a day of horror, tragedy, unknown heroes & the perseverance of our country. For me, the tragedy represented what was about to be an entirely different world. I knew that I would finally be going home in the next couple of weeks & of course, when I went into the hospital on 6/19/01, although I was just barely alive, aside from the disease attacking my body I was still a "normal" 19 year old. I was about to be released into an entirely new world that had never existed. Not only would it be the post-9/11 world, it would be a world that I would have to learn to do basic, everyday things all over again. I'd have to learn to walk, write, put on makeup & drive all over. It was such a scary, vulnerable feeling. Just 3  1/2 months before, none of these issues had even been thought of. I remember almost being hesitant about having to go home. I'd come to feel safe in the hospital. I kind of felt like as long as I stayed in the hospital, this new existence I was so afraid of didn't really have to exist.

     Anytime I see the images of the 9/11 attacks, not only am I taken back to the horror of that day's events, I'm taken back to the horror I was dealing with in my own personal life. Even with all that was going on at that time, I know that I am still so lucky. Unlike so many others all over the world, I didn't lose any family or close friends. I can't even imagine what it must be like to watch those towers fall over & over, each time feeling as if you're watching the final seconds of your husband or wife or son or daughter's life. I don't know how the loved ones of the passengers on United 93 can even look at a plane without thinking about what the people on the flight went through.  Of course, I know the family members of the United 93 passengers have to feel a kind of pride most people will never know. I'd imagine anyone who lost someone on that day feels a great deal of anger but I also assume there's a great deal of pride they must feel too.

     I've heard it said so many times that one day, 9/11 will just become another day, much like December 7th has now become just another day. (if you don't know what happened 12/7/1941, get your history books out!) Although I do understand how people can feel that way, I don't think that's going to happen for a long time. Unlike the attacks of Pearl Harbor, there are 1000s & 1000s of images & recordings from the day of the 9/11 attacks. Also, unlike the attack of Pearl Harbor, the world had never seen these kind of attacks carried out before. I think if we ever live in a world where seeing a 100+ story building crumble to the ground within seconds becomes something that doesn't completely strike terror into people, it's just time for Judgement Day to hurry up & come. I realize that the day of these attacks is not the most pleasant thing to discuss with children but I do wish more parents would do just that. We need to teach children of future generations about all of the heroes who came to be on this great day of tragedy. We need to make kids want to be more like the passengers of United 93 and the emergency responders/port authority officers of NYC & less like one of the Kardashian sisters!

     I think one more thing people need to start realizing is that hating all Muslims is in no way helpful to honoring the people we lost on this day! I seriously doubt all of the victims of that day are up in Heaven hoping that we start spitting at Muslims & setting their mosques on fire. All that does is piss the members of the Taliban off even more & then they want to attack us even more. The vast majority of Muslims in the world not only don't hold the same extreme beliefs as the terrorists do, they don't support the Taliban either. There were a lot of innocent Muslims killed in the 9/11 attacks. Hate will never be the answer to solving any of the problems in the world. All it does is add fuel to the fire. The more hate we see being spread in this world, the worse we see the conditions of the world become.

     When I attended Mass this afternoon, I was so happy with the message the priest had. I admit there are a couple of things I take issue with when it comes to the Catholic Church but the one thing I absolutely LOVE about it is that the priests are so serious when it comes to teaching love, not hate. I honestly believe if you belong to a religion that teaches you that unless someone has your exact religious views, you should treat them like they're below you, you need to give some VERY SERIOUS consideration to leaving that religion... ASAP! Jesus was supposed to represent the deepest kind of love mankind has ever seen. He did NOT teach hate. EVER! He was even able to forgive the men who tortured & killed him. He was forgiveness!! Today's church bulletin included the following statements: "This weekend is a most appropriate time to reflect on forgiveness. Ten years after the 2001 attacks, many of us still harbor anger and hatred towards those who perpetrated the attacks as well as innocent Muslims who had nothing to do with them. Yet, as today's readings remind us, how can we expect God to forgive our sins when we harbor vengeance toward others who have wronged us?". The bulletin also contained this paragraph: "On September 7, 2010, U.S. bishops and interfaith leaders met "to denounce categorically derision, misinformation and outright bigotry being directed against America's Muslim community... All acts of intolerance aimed at a religious community should find no place in our world, let alone in our nation which is founded on the principle of religious freedom." For that reason alone, I love the Catholic church!

     If we want to truly honor the lives lost on 9/11, we need to remember to be kinder to others & to love our neighbors. Being hateful accomplishes nothing and it's as if you're giving a part of yourself to the terrorists and allowing them to win. I personally want to thank every single NYC emergency responder, living and dead, who came to the towers to save lives and help others on 9/11. I want to the thank the courageous passengers on United 93 who were able to, by sacrificing their own lives, save many others from an attack. (it's believed they were heading to The Capitol Building) Thank you to Rick Rescorla, Frank DeMartini, & Pablo Ortiz who saved over 2,775 people (just those 3 men alone saved that many people!) from the attacks on the Twin Towers, ultimately, sacrificing themselves. Thank you to the many other everyday, ordinary people who on 9/11 became heroes. Thank you to the men and women of the military who have fought and continue fighting the war on terrorism. Also, thank you to Father Mychal Judge (aka Saint Mychal & the Saint of 9/11). His actions that day (as well as his life before 9/11) have made him one of my personal heroes. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the people who lost loved ones on that day.

                             I'm not a big country music fan but I think this is a beautiful song!

1 of my biggest inspirations: Father Mychal Judge, FDNY Chaplin, killed on 9/11/01

Saint of 9/11 aka Victim #0001 of the World Trade Center Attacks

Father Mychal Judge





     Before I really get into this, let me start by letting everyone know that yes, I am okay! I know it's been over a month since I blogged but I just got lazy after my last work trip. But, with Sunday being the 10 year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I definitely have some things on my heart that I wanted to share.

    While I am a very spiritual person, I'm not the most religious person in the world. I was raised in the Roman Catholic church & there are so many things I love about the religion. (mainly the lengthy history of the church) When I do go to church, the majority of the time I go to a Catholic church. Do I agree w/ everything about the religion? No, there are a few things I take issue with. But, I'm seeing more & more people starting to feel that way about their religion as well. It's hard to find any religion that is going to fit you 100%. Anyway, the reason I'm bringing up the Catholic church is b/c one of my biggest inspirations is Father Mychal Judge. The Orthodox Catholic Church has actually made him a saint since his death on 9/11/01. It's a bit harder to become a saint in the Roman Catholic Church b/c it's quite a process. Father Judge was confirmed death number 0001 at the World Trade Center. Obviously, the people in the plane that hit Tower 1 & the people at the immediate site of the impact were the very first to die on that day but Father Judge was the very first death to be confirmed.



     Father Mychal was Chaplain of the NYC fire department & was a very well known figure in the city. He was extremely loved by the fire department. On 9/11 after the first tower (North Tower) was hit, he rushed to the site so he could be with his men. As he was walking up to the North Tower, Mayor Giuliani (also a Catholic) approached Father Mychal & told him to come with him. He told Mayor Giuliani, "No, I have to stay with my men!". As Mayor Giuliani walked off he told Father Mychal to, "Pray for us!" to which Father Mychal responded, "I always do!". Father Mychal gave last rites to several victims who were laying outside on the sidewalk before finally entering the North Tower. He remained in the lobby at the command post praying the entire time & asking God to end the situation. After the South Tower collapsed, debris was falling from it & landing in the North Tower. Debris hit Father Mychal directly in the head, killing him upon impact. After he was killed, a NYPD officer who had also been buried under debris when the North Tower collapsed, found Father Mychal's body & had a few other men help him get Father Mychal's body out of the tower. They took his body to St. Peter's Church which was nearby & placed him inside at the alter. Before going back out to help, the guys knelt at the alter to give thanks to God for Father Mychal. They then covered his body & placed his NYC FD badge on top of it. To me, the men placing his body at the alter was a way of showing that he literally sacrificed himself at the foot of the alter in order to help others. The picture of the 5 guys carrying his body has become one of the most iconic pictures from 9/11. Because Father Mychal's body was immediately ID'd by a longtime friend who was with the NYPD, he was ruled Victim 0001 of the attacks on the Twin Towers. Some have said they believe he had to be number 1 b/c God needed his services up in Heaven on 9/11.

    



Father Mychal's body being carried out of the North Tower



     Obviously, there were MANY heroes on 9/11. However, it wasn't just Father Mychal's actions on that day that make him one of my personal heroes. Father Mychal was a recovering alcoholic who still attended AA meetings on a regular basis. He was gay (In orientation! Obviously, since he was a priest, not in practice.) & had been a long time member of Dignity which is a Catholic LGBT organization which advocates change in the teaching of the Catholic Church's view on homosexuality. (many Catholic churches have become more open on the subject) When the AIDS epidemic took place, he was one of the first priests to deliver Last Rites to patients. He helped console AIDS patients & their families. He came from an Irish family & was well known for bursting into Irish songs. The NYC FP loved him. Not only did Father Mychal know all of the guys on the fire department, he also remembered the names of their family members. He had met w/ President Clinton once at the White House & when he came back to NYC, he handed out a bunch of cocktail napkins w/ the presidential seal that he'd managed to walk off with. Like most New Yorkers, he was known to drop some foul language from time to time. Anytime someone from the Right Wing would give him money, he'd turn around & give it to a Gay Rights organization! (LOVE it!!) Basically, he sounds like the kind of person you'd want for your best friend.

     The world needs so many more people like Father Mychal in it. He represents what Jesus stood for... LOVE! He loved EVERYONE! He had friends from all different religious backgrounds. He even had friends who were Atheists. I get so angry at all of these pastors from other religions who basically make the people of their congregations think that unless someone believes in the exact same things you do, you should fear them & treat them like crap. I know way too many people who are "Christians" who say some of the most hateful things towards other people. They don't like Muslims, period. Some of them refer to blacks as a certain racial slur that I do not tolerate. Many of them look down on others b/c maybe they don't come from a lot of money or maybe one parent is black & the other parent white. How can you act that way & then go around talking to people about being a Christian? You think Jesus would go around telling Muslims to burn in Hell? Jesus hung out w/ the lowest of the low in society. He had friends who were prostitutes & friends who were homeless. He believed in helping the poor & the sick, not looking at them as outcasts of society who you should ignore or treat badly. Father Mychal completely embodied that!

    

     I wish more people would start to idolize people like Father Mychal. It's sad that people like the cast of Jersey Shore are celebrities & well known by society yet most people couldn't give a single name of one of the almost 400 firemen who made the ultimate sacrifice on 9/11. THAT is the type of person people need to look up to. The passengers of United 93 who, after learning that their hijacked plane would likely be used in the same way the other 3 hijacked flights that day had been, decided that they wouldn't allow their plane to be used as a weapon & stormed the cockpit. They ultimately gave their lives when crashing the plane into an empty field in Pennsylvania. They are the type of people we need to teach kids to look up to. They are what heroes are! We should all be thankful that there are people like that who exist in this world.

     Since I am Catholic, there are times when I call on certain saints in prayer. Usually, I pray to God or to Mary but there are a few saints that I pray to b/c of what they "specialize" in. (I.E. Saint Jude b/c he is one of the saints who helps the sick) Even though Father Mychal has not become a saint in the Roman Catholic Church, in my eyes, he is most definitely a saint. There are times when I do just stop & kind of ask him to guide me in what I'm doing. Even though I never knew him personally, he has had a huge impact on my life. And obviously I'm not the only one who feels that way. Over 3,000 people attended his funeral in Manhattan including President & Hillary Clinton as well as Mayor Giuliani. Father Mychal's helmet was taken to Pope John Paul II. He has been honored in numerous ways all over the world. The next time my mom & I visit NYC, I've already told her we're taking a 30 minute taxi ride over to New Jersey so that I can visit his grave.

     Father Mychal's death is featured in several different documentaries on 9/11. One documentary was done on just him. The film is called, "Saint of 9/11". I couldn't think of a more appropriate title!! Thank you, Saint Mychal, for all that you did during your time on Earth & thank you for all you continue to do 10 years after your death.

Father Mychal's helmet being presented to Pope John Paul II

                                      

Happy 100th!

    
     I've been a HUGE fan of Lucy (Lucille Ball) since I was a little girl. I can't imagine what the world would've been like had she not been in it. Female comedians owe her a ton for the road she paved!
     One of the main reasons I literally LOVE Lucy is that my grandparents enjoyed watching her. I have good memories of watching the show at their house. Another thing that drew me to her is that she was a redhead. (bottled, but still!) Of course, I didn't know that for quite some time since the show was in black & white but once I saw a picture of her in color, I knew I liked her. I was born a redhead. I mean, completely red! My natural color is VERY strawberry blonde but for whatever reason, I just don't care for the way the color looks on me so I end up covering most of it. MOST... not all. That red hair is one of the markings of the Gray family so I have to leave just a teeny bit out of love. My great-grandmother, my granddad, & my dad are all redheads!
     Anyway, she would've been 100 on 8/6 so I just have to give a nod to one of the ladies who paved the way for crazy, sassy, funny, loud, obnoxious women all over the world! I have to say, one of the reasons I'm loving Emma Stone so much is b/c I look at her & see a modern day Lucy! Oh, & I've totally been enjoying Hallmark Channel's "I Love Lucy" weekend marathon. What a great cast that show had! I know most everyone who knows anything about the show has an absolute favorite episode! I know a ton of people love the episode where she works in the candy factory. Another popular episode is the one where she's stomping grapes & gets into a fight with the lady. (also known as, "The episode Vivian watches in the hotel room on the floor in the movie Pretty Woman") My favorite episode is one of the Hollywood episodes. I love the episode that John Wayne was in. I've never been much of a fan of his & I really only remember how he looked as he got older but I must say, he was quite a handsome man. And tall!! Are you a Lucy fan? If so, what's your favorite episode?

From one (natural) redhead to another (not so natural) redhead, Happy 100th, Lucy!! We all STILL Love Lucy!!

Michigan, Take 2

     First off, sorry I've been completely slacking on keeping my blog updated this week. Things were a bit crazy this week & my mind was in a million places at one time. Plus, I haven't been living on the computer like I seem to do way too often. I've been working out a few times a week for the past month & I have finally gotten to the point that I actually look forward to it & feel blah if I don't do it. I haven't been like that since before I got sick so it's a VERY welcomed feeling. I doubt I'll ever get back to the shape I was in before I got sick but still, I can tell my energy level has gone up some & my arms are getting some of their definition back. (I have a very strong upper body b/c of how much I have to use them due to my disability.)
     I am leaving for a job, well, actually, 3 jobs, in Michigan this afternoon. I was originally supposed to go to New Hampshire & I was really looking forward to it b/c I was going to see some of my stepmom's family while there. However, some issues came up w/ that job & then one of my friends who works as a rep. for Novartis (the pharmaceutical company I work w/) put in a request to have me come do some work w/ her in Michigan. So, even though New Hampshire fell through, I'm looking forward to seeing Melanie & hanging out w/ her for a couple of days. (she has the cutest baby boy!!) This job is going to be a bit different from the speaking engagements I usually do. Usually, the events I speak at are nice dinners. Two of these jobs are going to be lunches & one will be an early dinner. I realize this probably sounds super interesting to a lot of people. The main reason I'm blogging about this is to explain why I won't be posting much during the coming week.
     Aside from seeing my girl, Melanie, I'm REALLY looking forward to cooler temperatures for a few days! This 105 degree crap is seriously for the birds!! Even Satan would hate it here during Summer. I just keep reminding myself that if I can make it through 4 or 5 more weeks, the first signs of Fall will finally start to come around. (SO excited! It's the start of my favorite time of year!) I've checked out the temps. in the area I'm going to & I am looking forward to a nice 80 degree day with a wonderful 65 degree evening.
     Unlike the last trip I made to Michigan, I have already made sure my camera is packed. So, I should come back with some decent pictures that I can post. Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekend!! Be back in a few days! =)

Crazy, Stupid, Good!!

If you have not been to see Crazy, Stupid, Love... RUN! Go see it, ASAP!! I knew it was supposed to be really good & that it had a bunch of great reviews but seriously, it's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. The cast is amazing! Steve Carell is hilarious & heartbreaking. Julianne Moore is gorgeous! Emma Stone is her usual cute, charming self. (& I'm now coming out & admitting my huge girl crush I have on her!) Marisa Tomei is hilariously crazy. Kevin Bacon isn't in it too much but he does a great job. Plus, he can now add a million more people to "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon". AND RYAN GOSLING... HOLY MOTHER!! I honestly think that even if the movie sucked, (which it doesn't!) just watching Ryan Gosling w/ his shirt off for 2 hours would've been well worth it. Oh, & the kids in it are all great. I mean, I don't know if there's ever been an ensemble cast like this one. Honestly, I can't say enough good stuff about this movie. And the added twist that comes in about half through makes it even better. They throw it at you at the perfect time! You'll walk out of Crazy, Stupid, Love w/ a huge smile on your face. With all of the crazy ass stuff going on in the world right now, it was so nice to escape reality for 2 hours w/ this amazing cast. Another thing I personally enjoyed about the movie was the music. I haven't checked it out yet but it has to have a killer soundtrack. Then again, my taste in music seems to be an acquired taste, especially where I live. My friends don't know who half the people I listen to are. Of course, when people talk to me about a lot of the singers who are on the radio now, I don't know who quite a few of them are. I seriously never listen to the radio. (I'm never w/out my mp3 player! It's even been to the hospital w/ me.) Anyway, I knew I'd end up liking this movie the first time I heard the name of it. I don't think anyone who's ever been in love can't NOT relate to the title. Let's face it, love is crazy. It makes us act crazy, it makes us do crazy stuff that we swore we'd never do, & of course, God knows, it makes you do STUPID things. Speaking of God, I'd like to take a moment & thank Him for creating men like Ryan Gosling. I'd also like to ask Him to send a man like that my way. AMEN!

Hallelujah!!

5000 Questions Part 2

Okay, I was looking at some of the questions on this list & some of them are just plain stupid. Others don't even make sense. So, I just looked around at the next 40 or 50 questions & picked the ones I liked the most. So, here we go:

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?
 A Have a career I enjoy doing
B Continue to help educate others on Meningococcal & the ways to prevent it
C Learn to REALLY live in the moment w/out worrying about what the future may or may not hold for me

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to & why?
The 80s for a number of reasons: I was born in 82; I have so many great memories of being a kid; the new wave music was AWESOME; MTV showed great videos; Saturday morning cartoons were the best!!; I got to play w/ Barbies & My Little Ponies; my Granddad, Nana, Uncle Geoff, Grandmother Orene, & Grandma Farmer were all still alive; life was still full of innocence

36. What is your favorite classic rock song? "Pressure" by David Bowie & Queen

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?

Hallmark Channel b/c they show Golden Girls & TV Land b/c they show Three's Company.

39. What Disney villain are you the most like & why?
The wicked queen from Snow White. I wouldn't try to kill my stepdaughter if I had one or anything like that but I do admit that I like to look in the mirror a lot & I can be a bit vein at times. But, we all have our faults. Plus, w/ all my body's been through, it's actually been good that I had such a high self esteem!

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?
Yes, I did girl scouts for 2 or 3 years. I was a brownie. I ended up getting bored w/ it & gave it up so I could devote more time to dance.

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?
What am I, Christopher Columbus or a pilgrim? Um, fly!

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night?

Because it can be! I'm assuming it has something to do w/ the sun being out or not out! Just a wild/crazy guess!

43. What does your name mean?

I've seen several different meaning but the one I see most often is "trees near the water".

45. Word association; What is the 1st word that comes to mind when you see the word:

Air: Wind
Meat: Cow
Different: Unique
Pink: Barbie
Deserve: Earn
White: Christmas
Elvis: Graceland
Magic: 8 Ball
Heart: Ann & Nancy Wilson (of the band)
Clash: Rock the Casbah (by THE Clash)
Pulp: Juice

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be?

Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, or Freddie Mercury (good combo, no?)

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive? Really? Do you realize how many people I could list for this? Okay, as far as actors, I'm going w/ the cast of Criminal Minds. Singers: Phil Collins or Florence Welch from Florence & the Machine. I'm personally not dying to meet any politicians although it'd be cool to meet Obama.

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do?a pillow, a blanket, a fan, something to pee in, water, fruit, a book, sudoku, a journal, a pen

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? Okay, I can't keep talking about getting sick & almost dying. YES! I've had mine saved more times than I'm worthy of!!! I'd like to think that by educating others on Meningococcal & the Menveo vaccine that I have prevented the loss of a few lives!

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands?

I'm guessing braids can count? I braided my hair before getting into bed.

53. What was your favorite toy as a child?
ANYTHING Barbie... & as my mom & stepdad's only child, I had an entire playroom that was full of Barbie houses (completely furnished), ice cream shops, hospitals, pools, corvettes, stages for Barbie & the Rockers to have concerts (sometimes Jem joined in), a news desk/station, a surf shop, I could go on.

54. How many TV’s are in your house? 5 but only 4 are hooked up

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? like a leprechaun... I don't know... they make me smile but I don't really know how they make me feel

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? Yeah, just for fun. I didn't actually believe anything the lady told me.

59. What is your idea of paradise?

a beautiful New England style home in the mountains somewhere in N.H. or Vermont w/ tons of trees & a hammock in the backyard to take naps in

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like? It's hard not to believe in a higher power when you've survived what I have! Unlike what so many self righteous people seem to think now days, God doesn't care about your ''brand" of religion & if you end up w/ a man or a woman. God only cares that you try to live life to the fullest, actually contribute something to the world & are a good person!

61. Do you believe in Hell? Yes, it's right outside my front door. Walk outside my house tomorrow afternoon & you'll know what Hell feels like!!!!

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? I've done several things most people haven't! I've been in a coma, gone into cardiac arrest, have been given CPR/shocked w/ a defibrillator. Oh, & I've met Britney Spears, twice! =)

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done?
I try to do lots of kind stuff, especially for my parents. And my Grandmother! Even though I don't have a ton of $$, I donate money to several charities each year. ASPCA & WWF automatically get a donation from me at the 1st of every month.

64. Are you a patient person?
HAHA! No, not so much. I'm working on it.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't?
International Celebrate a Woman Day... every woman should be off work & showered w/ gifts by the men in her life!! ;-)

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does?
um, I'm pretty okay w/ all of them; none of them bother me to the point that I think they should be done away w/

67. What's the best joke you ever heard?
One of my gay friends told it to me forever ago & it's kind of one of those jokes where you need to be able to hear it to truly appreciate it but I'll tell it anyway: What do gay horses eat? HAYYYYYYYYYY! (imagine one of your gay guy friends saying HEYYYY & yeah, that's what it comes down to... & if you don't have any gay friends, you probably aren't a fun person!)

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? the trip I took to Maui my Sr. year of high school w/ my Dad & stepmom & all the sibs... & it wasn't just b/c I missed a full week of school to be in Maui, it was just fun & I have a lot of happy memories of that trip

69. Is your hair natural or dyed?
a bit of both, actually; I'm naturally VERY strawberry blonde but I have my hair colored so that most of the strawberry (but not all!!) is gone. I know everyone tells me people would kill to have my natural hair color but I just don't care for the way it looks on me.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front?
I wouldn't call them "DARK" but there are a few things from my past that only one or 2 other people know about... & no, I'm not about to say what they are in a quiz that anyone could read

71. What is under your bed right now?
nothing, my bed frame goes all the way down to the floor so you can't put anything under it

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home?
I'd probably want to stay for a while but I couldn't leave my friends & family and never see them again; if I could live there but go home for the holidays & visit friends & family a few times a year, then yeah, I'd live there... the munchkins probably don't go around killing each other & smoking meth & all kinds of other good stuff


73. If you drive do you frequently speed? if by "frequently" you mean always, then yes! in neighborhoods I usually don't go more than 5 over the speed limit but on highways, interstates, freeways, & main roads, I tend to go about 10-15 over, depending on the city I'm in. The cops in the burbs of Memphis don't play so I try not to go too fast when I'm in any of them

74. What is the world's best song to dance to? I'm a BIG fan of disco & I've always loved "Dancing Queen" by ABBA & "Don't Leave me this Way" by Thelma Houston. Even though I wasn't alive at the time, I always like to imagine dancing at Studio 54 when I dance to disco!

(Thelam Houston~ Don't Leave me this Way)

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? sadly, I haven't danced w/ someone in way too long, I have been dancing around the house to a lot of 80s new wave lately though

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? I love both!! I love Disney movies & Disneyland & Disney World but I also love Looney Toons & 6 Flags

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? elephants or as I called them when I was little, "ellycups"

I HIGHLY recommend watching this. It's AMAZING! I promise, it's well worth it!!

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?
yes!

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? not sure but we'd definitely be screwed!!

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it?
before I got sick it was dancing but then, I had to make a pretty huge sacrifice in order to live

Thankful Thursday 7/28/11

Mamacita!! My mom & I have been through more than most mother/daughters! She's been my rock since the day I got sick. Anytime I'm in the hospital, she doesn't leave... not even to go home & get some sleep! I know I would've thrown in the towel & quit fighting for life if I had been on this journey w/out her!!!


Mom & me in front of the Statue of Liberty on our trip to NYC for my 29th.

My meds!~ Namely: Ativan, Cymbalta, Wellbutrin, Gabapentin, & Morphine! Ativan keeps me calm so I don't kill anyone; Cymbalta helps w/ both pain & depression; Wellbutrin is again, for depression; Gabapentin, Lyrica & Morphine all help w/ my ridiculously painful Neuropathy/phantom pain. As if you need another reason to get your child or yourself (depending on your age) vaccinated for Meningococcal, be sure to check out the pic below of JUST MY A.M. medications. There are P.M. meds too. And notice I have a "2 story" pillbox!


My morning pills!





Dill Pickles~ My sodium & potassium levels drop from time to time b/c of my adrenal insufficiency. I can ALWAYS tell when it's happening b/c I CRAVE pickles & vinegary liquids like pickle juice &... this is weird, I know... A1 steak sauce! I literally get a spoon out, pour A1 into the spoon & eat/drink it. Nice, huh?

Music~ I can't live without music!! It gets me through any situation & helps me with whatever mood I'm in!

That Summer will be over in about a month & a half!!~ Yep, I hate Summer!! September means:

• This God awful, Hellish, MISERABLE heat will start to go! Fall temperatures are THE best!!
• Fall temps. mean FALL CLOTHES!
• Leaves start to change colors!
• And my absolute favorite part... KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!! I personally am NOT good when it comes to screaming children. Or obnxious children! I blame it on being raised as my mom's only child. Seriously though, since I don't work normal 9-5 hours like most people, I like being able to go to Target at noon w/out dealing with out of control kids. Sometimes, I want to smack the parents for letting their kids behave that way in public. And do NOT give me that, "I can't control them!" B.S.! Do you know what my mom used to do to me if I started acting like an idiot in a store? It didn't matter if she had a basket full of groceries. She grabbed my arm, took me out to the car & BEAT MY ASS! Believe me, all it took was one or two times & I learned not to mess w/ Momma while shopping. I am a big believer in spanking! My mom would get the back of my leg right below my butt & it would sting like a mofo. I've spanked a kid or 2 myself & I don't even had kids of my own. (don't worry, the parents of these kids told me to do it if they go out of line!)

Wear Your Medical Conditions on Your Sleeve! Literally!

Because of all the medical conditions I have & b/c of all the meds I take, I wear a medical ID bracelet 24/7, 365 (366 in a leap year!). I personally think the majority of people should wear one. Even if it's something that doesn't seem so major... like, say, an allergy to latex, you should have one of these bracelets. (a lot of vaccines have latex & of course, they use latex gloves in hospitals) Luckily, the ID bracelets you can get now days are nothing like your grandparent's ID bracelets! They make really pretty ones. There are several websites that you can get on & find a bracelet that matches your personality. I have 2 & SHOCKER, both are pink. The one I wear most often is just a thin, pink, leather bracelet. It really just looks like a ponytail holder around my wrist. My favorite thing about my bracelet tag is that it's interchangeable so I only need one tag. I can buy as many bracelets as I want w/out having to pay for a tag & engraving each time. If like me you have a ton of medical issues, you can have both sides of the tag engraved. Mine has my name, the 5 meds I'm allergic to, "adrenal insufficiency" & "bilateral amputee" so, you can get quite a bit put on one bracelet. Even if you don't think you need one of these, if you have a child w/ ANY medical issues, it's really in your best interest to get one. Here are my 2 favorite sites to bracelet shop: http://www.laurenshope.com/ (Halle Berry has at least one bracelet from them; she has Type I Diabetes) & http://www.fiddledeeids.com/. I also have a key chain from Fiddledee IDs (pink, of course) so I am extra cautious. Since I take too many medications to put on a bracelet (unless I want to wear multiple ones) I keep a list of all the medications I take in my wallet & one in my organizer. Oh, I also have "Medication List in Wallet" engraved on my bracelet! Hopefully, the majority of people who read this post will never be in a situation where a medical ID bracelet would really come in handy but I've learned the hard way that it's ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry! TRUST ME! I'm an expert on that situation!! Another good thing about these sites that specialize in medical ID bracelets is that now, most of them also carry necklaces, luggage tags, key chains & even temporary tattoos. Also, if you join either of the sites' mailing lists or FB pages, almost every week, they offer some type of discount.

Here's a couple of pictures of my "everyday" bracelet. (the other 1 I have is beaded & a bit more "flashy")



As you can see, I even got the medical symbol (whatever the thing w/ the snake is called) in pink. Fiddledee ID's allows you to get the symbol in a few different colors. I can't remember if Lauren's Hope does the same or not.



The tag comes off so you can change the bracelet. I think those are called something like "lobster claw clasps" or something having to do w/ an animal. LOL! If you have to wear one of these at all times, it's just nice to have the option of changing the bracelet.

5000 Questions, Part 1

I saw this on a fellow blogger's... blog! She told me to Google the term & that I'd be able to find it. Apparently, a lot more people are doing this than I thought. Anyway, seemed kinda fun and it's always something good to do on days when you just aren't feeling very creative when it comes to doing a blog post. So, today, I'll be answering questions 1-30. I'll try to make my answers as interesting as possible. And of course, truthful!

1. Who are you? (now I have The Who song stuck in my head!) This is one of those questions that really, you can give 1000 different answers to. I am:

• Strong beyond belief!
• 100% all woman!
• A total girl's girl
• a dancer (former)
• a daughter
• a big sister
• a loyal friend
• believer of equal rights for every single human on this planet, no matter their age, race, religion, sex, or sexual preference
• usually more sympathetic towards animals than many humans
• a liberal
• one of the few people I know who LOVES cold & hates Summer!
• someone who doesn't feel I need a husband or child to make me feel complete
• impatient
• a smartass
• not a fan of talking on the phone
• someone who believes that music has healing powers

 
   2.    What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?

• I can NOT stand ignorant, close minded, racist people!
• I would take a bullet for my friends/family without thinking twice about it! (actually, I even feel like I'd do that for my 2 "daughters" (Persian cats))
• I have literally cheated death more times than you could believe. I survived a rare disease that I was only given a 20% chance of surviving, I was in a 6 week coma & my heart stopped beating for 52 minutes after I had my hip replaced. (seriously!)
  

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? it varies day to day but if I'm at home, no matter what I'm doing, there's a good chance I have some show on TV that involves murder/crime (I know, sounds very uplifting) & I have at least one of my 2 Persian cats near me

   4.  List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time). Um, this technically isn't a question but whatever. I graduated high school 11 years (wow, that's crazy!) ago. High school, for me, was more of a big social gathering each day. All I cared about was hanging out w/ my friends, going to pom practice, cheering at games & going to parties. I did enjoy English my Freshman year, the public speaking class I was in my Sophomore year (same teacher as the 9th grade Eng. class), History my Jr. year & doing the school news my Jr. year. I didn't earn a degree in college but I did enjoy the English classes I took & I LOVED the public speaking class I was in. I'm going to beauty school when Spring roles around so I'm looking forward to everything I learn about aesthetics!! As far as classes I like the least, I HATED Geometry & Algebra II. Once I got past Algebra I, it was all downhill!

   5. What is your biggest goal for this year? to be enrolled for the aesthetics program by the end of the year... even though it doesn't start until Spring, I want to have my place reserved!

   6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? I want to be working as an aesthetician. I'd love to eventually work for Benefit Cosmetics. Even though it would be SO hard to move away from my friends/family (and 20 Dr.s) here in Memphis, I jdon't want to be stuck here simply b/c this is where I grew up. I'd LOVE to be living in the Chicago area. I don't necessarily see myself getting married w/in 5 years but it would be nice to be in a solid relationship by then. I also hope to see my health get better & better each passing year!

    7. What stage of life are you in right now? It's crazy to think that I am in the LAST year of my 20s! 30 just sounds so much older and "grown up" than 20! I'm just hoping the best is really yet to come!

    8. Are you more child-like or childish? I'm definitely not childish but I can be child-like when it comes to having fun. Oh, & once Christmas time comes around, I feel like I turn into a child all over again. I hope I never lose that feeling during the holiday season!!

    9.  What is the last thing you said out loud? "Love you too." (talking to Mamacita)

  10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? "This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush. I did a post on it last week. It's been my best post yet (in my opinion) so I definitely recommend it. It explains a lot about me & everything I've gone through and continue to go through.

  11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? Nope, never had the desire.

  12.  Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? It was all going great up until I turned 19 & got sick. Aside from my health problems, things have been pretty good. There have been a few traumatic events (aside from the health crap) that shook me up but that happens to pretty much everyone. My health seems to be slowly improving. God willing, that will continue!

  13. Does time really heal all wounds? No way! I think time helps you learn to deal w/ & live w/ painful events that have taken place but you never really heal from them. One of my favorite quotes actually pertains to this subject. Here it is:  "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone." ~Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

  14. How do you handle a rainy day? I love to lounge in bed, read, & listen to music. (unless there's a Criminal Minds marathon on) There may also be some napping involved.

15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? DEFINITELY losing your luggage! That's why I always pack jewelry, beauty products & medications in my carry on bag. I spend way too much on makeup & anti-aging products to have them get lost.


 16. How is your relationship with your parents? Will you miss them when they are gone? I'd just like to point out that this technically makes this 5001 Questions! My mom is one of my very best friends & she is one of my guardian angels here on Earth! My stepdad & I have almost like a brother/sister relationship b/c we like to pick on each other. It's a good relationship though. He has done (& continues to do) so much for both my mom & me. I realize that since I'm not his blood daughter, he doesn't have to do all the stuff for me that he does. My dad & I have always been close but we don't see each other often b/c of all the miles between us. There are some things going on his life that kind of make me shake my head (& from time to time, want to smack him upside the head) but I've seen these types of shenanigans happen w/ a ton of men his age. I just like to think of it as a "mid-life crisis". My stepmom & I were really close when I was little. I idolized her! We had some tough years from the age of 16 up until a couple of years ago. Since she's in California, I obviously don't see her often but we do text each other regularly. There's a lot more respect between the 2 of us now. As for the "Will I miss them?" question... what kind of asshole would say no to that? Now that all of them (aside from my stepdad) are in their 50s, it does scare me to think about losing them. I try not to think about it though!


17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? Definitely! With all of the crazy mess that's going on in the world, there are times that I wish I wasn't!


18. What is the truest thing that you know?  Well, like the title of my blog states, "Life is beautiful... even when it hurts!". And when I say hurt, I'm not just talking about physical pain. There's a ton of emotional pain that comes w/ living too. Still, there's a ton of beauty in life, even when things seem doomed!


 19. What did you want to be when you grew up? Definitely not disabled! (hehe, have to make light of certain situations) But seriously, I wanted to be a lot of things. At one point I wanted to do 3 things: 1) Be a garbageman! (seriously!!) 2) Work for Federal Express (which has since been shortened to FedEx) 3) Work at Lebonhiker Children's Medical Hospital (that's how I said LeBonheur, lol) Then when I got a little bit older & established my absolute love of animals, I wanted to be a vet. 


20. Have you ever been given a second chance? LOL! And a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc., etc.! See Question 2 for explanation! 

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? I'm a bit of both!


22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? I always try. I definitely think my heart & mind are a lot more open than many others!


23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? Having both legs amputated below the knee when I was 19. Definitely don't recommend trying it!

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? Losing my best guy friend to diabetes in 2005. Still breaks my heart to think about it!

25. Who have you hugged today? Momma, Sasha Belle & Coco Chanel (my 2 "daughters" =))

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? Mom

27. Do you have a lot to learn? My Granddad instilled in me at a young age that no matter how old you are, you always have a lot to learn! My great-grandmother (Granddad's mom) was in her 80s when she got her college degree! The picture of her being handed her diploma is beyond precious!

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be? Fly (as in a plane), sing, & sew

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? How others make me feel... but what people say is a VERY close 2nd. I am not the person you want to say something you'll later regret to. I, like most people, can forgive but I NEVER forget!

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? I'm not married or anything so I don't necessarily consider myself an expert. Obviously there has to be trust! DUH! I'm sure a lot of people will think I'm crazy but I do think it's okay to have a couple of secrets. (nothing major!) I think once there's no mystery left between 2 people, things get really dull. It's always nice to be able to have what I refer to as "good conversation" w/ someone. Great sex is obviously a plus but when things in that area kinda slow down, if you can't enjoy each others conversations, what else will you have?

My Type of Man

     So, even though I love men of all color, shapes and sizes, I've discovered that I DEFINITELY have developed a liking for a particular type. I seem to be all about the dorky, adorable, intellectual kinda guys. Mainly, the taller/leaner ones. I like a little bit of definition in the arms & chest but I just can't stand the guys who have the bodybuilder look to them. They always seem to have really teeny heads and it doesn't match up w/ the ginormous arms. EWW! Don't confuse the bodybuilder look w/ someone who goes to the gym regularly. Believe me, I'll take Shemar Moore ANY DAMN DAY! (He has muscles but he doesn't look like his entire life revolves around lifting weights. Just want to clarify the difference!) Another quality I seem to find appealing w/ these type of guys is that a lot of them seem to be a bit "artsy" or at least enjoy the arts! I'm not exactly artsy but I used to be a dancer & I do love performing arts and art museums! I probably don't look like it but I am more of a free-spirited, liberal kinda chick. I'm not big into organized religion & I don't like people telling me what it is & isn't proper for me, as a woman, to do. It's not exactly easy to meet people w/ the same way of thinking in the area I live in.
     I don't know why I've developed a certain love/lust for this type of guy. I've never actually dated one. (perhaps I'm tired of dating idiots & have become smarter?) My 2 high school sweethearts were both athletes and my most recent ex played football when he was in high school. While only one was really an idiot, the other 2 weren't exactly the studious, nerdy type. The idiot of the group used to complain about being bored, CONSTANTLY, & anytime I'd mention that he should try reading, it was like I'd just told him to go to the doctor and get checked for testicular cancer! It was not sexy to me that he didn't like reading, didn't know much about politics, & didn't know much about current events. (I once asked him to tell me the name of the V.P. & he couldn't!) If you think I'm just being mean & making it sound worse than it was, the boy once informed me that, "You CAN'T get skin cancer from a tanning bed b/c it's not real sun! DUH!". He looked at me like I was the moron when he told me that too!!
     With all of the traveling I do both for work & for pleasure, I've noticed this "type" of guy is easier to find in some cities than in others. Where I live, they seem to be an endangered species. Perhaps I need to quit hanging in the "burbs" so much. Still, where does a girl go to find herself an "adorkable" kinda guy? (for the record, I did NOT coin that term, I saw it in People StyleWatch) Any suggestions? Feel free to comment & let me know, especially if you're from the Memphis area! I was actually thinking the University of Memphis area would be good but I don't want a b/f who's 21! Plus, that's where I met the most recent ex although, he was not attending the U of M! (see comment in 2nd paragraph!)
     Okay, if you still can't exactly picture the type of guy I'm talking about, don't you worry! Believe me, Lindsey does have a list of Hot "Adorkable" Celebs!! So, w/out further ado, here's the list:



OH MY!! (I wanted to make this picture bigger but when I do, my blog page cuts part of it off. If you can't read the quote in the picture it says, "When I'm 90, I'll still be like, "What would Kurt Cobain wear?". In my eyes he was the essence of cool."")



• Matthew Gray Gubler (my personal NUMERO UNO!)~ This one shouldn't come as a shock. My favorite show is Criminal Minds! MGG definitely helped start this... want/longing/desire/need, for me! Dr. Reid is w/out a doubt my favorite CM's character. Smart = SEXY in my book. My crush on him become a bit more serious last season when he debuted the new haircut. Love it shorter and I REALLY love those curls. Precious! He has his own website that he runs (it's kind of a blog, I guess) & I love reading it from time to time. He has a personality that many people would probably see as "strange" or "weird" but to me, it only makes him more attractive. I love people who aren't afraid to be themselves & I love when people have that personality type that only certain people really get! (although, if "being yourself" involves you being psycho, stuck up, an alcoholic, crackhead or an asshole, that cancels out the whole "cute" thing) I can't remember the name or address of his web page but I'm sure if you Google his name along w/ "official", it will bring it up. Another thing I like about the page is that he'll often post pictures of the CM's cast on set. My mom & I are both huge fans of the show & she won't watch it w/ me b/c anytime he comes on screen, I turn into a 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert! Okay, maybe not that bad, but I do usually make a few remarks about him (and Shemar Moore... hell, all of the guys on that show are pretty damn good looking) per episode! I've met Britney Spears twice, once when I was 19 & once when I was 20. Both times were at the height of my Britney phase. Both times, I remained very composed & didn't make an ass of myself. I don't think I would be that way around this one. I'm hoping the certain person I know who has met him doesn't read this b/c I know she will be shaking her head & thinking I'm a moron if she does!

As Dr. Spencer Reid



No offense to any of the guys who've ever been in my Jeep but none of them ever looked this damn hot while sitting next to me. (although one did come close ;))



This picture was actually in one of my Vogue issues. It's now torn out & in a little frame on my desk! Mom has Johnny Depp in her work room, I have MGG!



•  Jackson Rathbone~ Yes, Twilight is all about Edward & Jacob (as far as the guys) but Jasper won my heart over! Especially once he was brought to life on the big screen by Rathbone. I'm also a bit partial towards him b/c he did an amazing job when he played a guest role on... what else but Criminal Minds! In all of the interviews I've seen & read on him, he's even more quirky than Jasper. I love it! He's got the quiet/mysterious thing going on too & for me, that's another sexy quality!



Such beautiful eyes!



• David Hyde Pierce~ I LOVE Frasier. Dr. Niles Crane is my personal favorite character on the show. I'm gonna say that DHP is definitely the "nerdiest" on the list! I don't care that he doesn't exactly go for my "type" (aka women) in real life. He's so cute! And a great actor!! I'm really wanting to see the movie, The Perfect Host. Anyone seen it?

• Patrick J. Adams~ I am just discovering him b/c of his role on the show Suits. (great show, comes on USA) His eyes alone were the main thing to catch my attention. He literally plays a genius on the show. He may not be that way in person but I choose to believe he is!

I'm a blue eyed girl who happens to be a TOTAL sucker for a gorgeous pair of blue eyes! (I also really love light green eyes)

• Matt Hales~ He's better known to most people as Aqualung. Aqualung is one of my absolute favorites when it comes to music. Hales is magic on the piano! A lot of musicians are really smart. (though, not all!) His voice is like butter to me! He writes beautiful songs! What more do I need to say? If you want to check out any of Aqualung's music, my personal favorite song (one of my all time favorites songs, period!) is "Pressure Suit". Gorgeous!!

• Jeff Goldblum~ Some people have laughed at me for thinking he's sexy. I personally don't see how any female (& in some cases men) can NOT find him adorably sexy. The first time I REALLY noticed his hotness was during the summer Independence Day came out. I don't remember how old I was but I know I was still in elementary school. At the very end of the movie, after he & Will Smith "save the day" & are walking on the runway of the airport w/ their little air force jumpsuits on... it was all over! From that point on, I was a big Jeff fan. Even though I LOVE Vincent D'Onofrio & for me, he was irreplaceable on Law&Order: CI, I really ended up liking the season (or 2?) Goldblum was on the show. (although thank God, D'Onofrio came back for the final season!) I don't know exactly what it is about Jeff that I find so damn sexy. He just puts off that vibe! And he's one of those guys who keeps getting better looking the older he gets.

• Lou Taylor Pucci~ This one & Matt Hales are definitely going to be the lesser known on the list. I 1st discovered Pucci in the movie, The Insiders, based on the book by Bret Easton Ellis. If you love all things 1980s, you'll probably love this movie! Pucci is well known in the indie film industry & in my opinion, he's one of the best actors from that whole genre. My absolute favorite movie he's done is, The Go Getter. It also stars Zooey Deschanel who is just cute beyond words! Pucci gained quite a bit of praise & recognition for his role as the main character in The Thumbsucker. (w/ Vincent D'Onofrio) If you have a Netflix account, search his name & check out some of the movies he's done. He's quite a good actor... & he's pretty cute too.





I'm sure I left off a couple of other guys but for me, these are the main ones. If you or anyone you know has most of the same qualities these gentlemen possess, please, let them know that I am taking applications!! =)